lounge
this one, is a little different
to preface, i am writing about this currently on lsd.
sober: this label is your lifeline. worn like badge, put it on social media, forever counting the days. but somewhere along the line, this becomes the second cage. used like an anchor after the initial sobriety date, keeping you structured and safe.
when you build your identity around what you don't do, you never let go of it. you're letting it control your narrative, still. frozen in the shadow of what you were-- an addict. which is ok.
are you proud of how you function?
im recently-- nothing. im kure. i stopped using cocaine i dont know how long ago, but not long. not short either.
letting the label sober narrate your life is truly the same label you're trying to escape. you are the drug. stepping away, is removing affiliation.
to be honest, this is more personal than i'd like one of my blog posts to be, but it was too long for my main page entries. finding yourself post-addiction is rebuilding an entire identity lost to months, or years, of abuse of the body. picking up the remains of what you used to be. initially, there is that struggle of chasing who you were before.
stop counting the days, you're past that
welcome back to the kure.
i made a post about the old web, and was reminded of other sites similar. chances are, if you were online in the mid-to-late 2000's, you personally came across the corners of the internet that were unsettling and unmonitored.
platforms like bestgore, rotten.com, and later liveleak emerged before content moderation and algorithmic feeds scrubbed the web.
these were shock, gore-focused sites featuring pornographic imagery, beheading videos, and genital mutilation meant to cater to the morbidly curious. they thrived in a legal grey area, platform regulation was virtually non-existent. for many young viewers, stumbling across these was like an unwanted right of passage. sites were found linked in forums, sent in chainmail, or images/videos shared directly on instant messaging rooms.
war, cartel/gang violence, and serial murder marked the shift of raw and uncensored footage bypassed traditional news outlets resulted in a new form of spreading awareness. many of these videos went unreported, with the sources unknown.
by the early 2010's containment of these sites begun. the landscape began to change rapidly. advertisement was pulled from platforms harboring graphic content, social media enforced strict guidelines and hired teams of content moderators. automated flagging tools were implemented effectively siloing shock sites away from the mainstream web.
while niche and fringe platforms still exist in smaller corners of the internet, the era of uncurated front-page shock sites remaine a defining and controversial snapshot of the web's adolescent years.
i stumbled across a post about a geocities site based around harm reduction and the legality of drugs, and decided to take a look for myself.
it's entirely in japanese originally. i can translate most of the website automatically, through my browser. there are a few things i cannot translate, though.
this site is extremely interesting, it has written reports and experiences, legality, harm reduction and general information on many research chemicals and substances. the creator remains anonymous, no introduction or about page, making it purely informational.
i've always loved sites like these. culturally enveloping the want to experiment with guides to safely use, first hand experiences, and information. 
something about finding old web sites like these brings a feeling of comfort to me. this one is from 1999.
some information tucked away is how to get prescription anxiety medication and/or antidepressants. it was generally frowned upon to go to psychiatric clinics, or you were viewed as crazy, so these resources weren't as welcomed. originally it looks like it was written as advice to sooth bad trips. "just go get medicated, so you can have an easier time doing drugs!" love it. i wonder if it's ever helped anyone get diagnosed/correctly medicated. 
there are some deleted pages, and some inaccassible pages. something like a chat room, there's "eye candy" which is probably just trippy visuals. it forwarded me to an unclaimed domain called acidtrip. then there's also this, a button led me to the yahoo homepage but before that, i was able to spot the domain.
the page very briefly forwards, then refreshes at yahoo. i'm left wondering what it was truly about, whether its a "seek help" page, a note, or a cautionary tale. but this is old web, and part of the mistique is that you'll never really know.